One week in and here’s what I’ve learned:
- I am still really good at tricking myself into and out of what is good for me. Like professional grade status.
- I’m getting smarter and quicker at catching the skullduggery and doing the right thing more often than not.
- I have not lost one ounce but I have gained a ton of energy. Before committing to the “work-out” I was fuzzy, forgetful, tired, whiney, angry and frustrated. Now I’m just occasionally and strategically forgetful.
- I don’t like being pushed. And apparently I “bargain” with my trainer. Whatever.
- And, I actually like raising my heart rate and sweating.
While all of this seems like good news – and it is – what I am lacking is routine or ritual. I need structure. I fight structure. Do you see the problem? I exhaust myself.
A year or so ago I went through some of my old journals, and there are millions. I was expecting to find witty remarks, deep thoughts and profound insights. You know, the stuff that would comprise the movie they make about me in 100 years after they unearth these tomes of brilliance. What I found between profundities were pages and pages, years and years of planning my day. Get up at 5, 6, 5:45, work out, eat breakfast and on and on.
How depressing. Not so much that I was planning, but that I never really worked the plan.
In almost every case, everything I wanted to accomplish during the day had to be finished by 11 AM, my high point of creativity and energy during the day, so I was progressively getting up earlier and earlier. What did I expect to do with myself after 11? Have lunch with friends, skulk around independent bookstores, chat up shop owners and do gooders, come home cook a gourmet meal and share my day with my husband?
Sounds pretty amazing, actually, perhaps I should revisit those journals.
But I digress.
So now what? Plan again? Start over? Wing it? It’s the act of planning that feels solid to me. I have always been this way. I am the idea person, I’m going to lay it all out and then YOU go implement it.
There appears to be a learning opportunity for me. Can I be the implementer? I know I will fight it. For the past 8 years I have had my own businesses and my time is my own. Schedules just happen organically.
I think if I have a short list of things I plan to accomplish during the day – whenever – I will get them done.
No. That feels like a cop-out. I feel like there is a huge opportunity for me to break through this resistance to what is good for me.
I need the structure. I need to create non-negotiables. I just do these things because they are what I do. I brush my teeth every day, shower, make my bed. Why not pranayama, meditation and an hour of movement? Why not indeed.
There. Now onto the schedule.
You should know that in my head I’m already coming up with reasons why this won’t work.