In the past when I set out to change my life through food and exercise I equated my success numerically. Mostly subtraction. How much weight did I lose? How many sizes did I go down? How many inches melted away?

The focus is different this time. I am hopeful for all the math above but my main objective, my ultimate focus is to gain this time. And I have. A lot.

I have more energy. I have more time. I have a better connection to my body. All these in less than two weeks.

I realize the focus of this journey may be more a result of my age, but I believe it has a lot to do with the cumulative effects of the awesomeness that I have been studying for the past 10 years.

My odyssey began, in reality in fourth grade when I believed my thighs to be hideously huge because my best friend had bird legs. I always chose skinny best friends. Later in life a few of them would confess they would have preferred curves like me at that age. Humans are ridiculous.

I digress.

Because of the thighs, I became a lifelong serial dieter. Weight Watchers, Dexatrim, Potato diet – that was my own invention, didn’t work as I’d planned – South Beach, Pritikin, no carbs, no fat, vegetarian, vegan. I am truly a diet expert.

Fed up with failed attempts to become super model thin, I enrolled in the Institute for Integrative Nutrition to make food my friend. It changed my life.

Then little by little I forgot it all. Or ignored it all. Now I’m bringing it all back. This time for the same reasons with hopefully similar results. And maybe for a little longer.

The numbers, I suppose are necessary for the ego, goal-oriented part of my brain. Since I am working with a trainer, so those numbers are all sealed in the “before” vault, along with all the pictures taken of me form the past 6 years.

I want to say this time feels different, but I suspect if my journals were unearthed, those words would appear before every big life altering decision I made.

But I’m still gonna say it. This time feels different.