Category: 21 Day Challenge

21 Day Challenge – Day 19 – Promises

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Grace 2 IMG_2131Every day has its own flavor. Monday has a sense of urgency mixed with a soupcon of resignation. On Wednesday, particularly after lunch, the mood begins to lift. And Fridays are naturally relaxed. This seems to be true if a traditional schedule is worked or not.

It has been many years since I have worked 9-5 Monday through Friday, but I still feel that physical sigh of relief at the end of every week.

It is a day that is both relaxing and dangerous. “No need to stress, don’t worry about it, you’ll pick right back up where you left off.” It’s easier to let go of promises I’ve made to myself. It’s Friday. Relax.

It takes a little extra effort to stay on track. It’s easy to phone it in, maybe skip something.

But I don’t. And it’s so important that I don’t.

Day 19 of 21. Don’t fall back on old habits. Don’t be happy with at least making it this far. This is not a goal, this is a lifestyle change. I could pass on the writing and drink wine tonight and the stars would not fall out of the sky. But one would flicker and burn out. And maybe I’m the only one would know. But I would know.

So I write, I photograph, I do yoga and I put water on for tea. Not because I have a problem, and not to reach a goal, but for me. For my enchanted life. And because I made a promise and it’s time I kept one to myself.

[Photo: Meet Gracie, aka Grace Louise, aka TT. She and her human came over to hang out.]

21 Day Challenge – Day 18 – Structure Avoidance, Level: Expert

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Dove IMG_2046I took a little online test today, that was floating around Facebook to determine if I was more right brained or left. I consider myself a creative person so naturally I assumed right. Right?

Balanced. According to the test I use both sides equally. 44% left, 56% right. I suppose in general this would be seen as good news. Isn’t everyone striving for balance in their lives?

But I don’t think it’s balance with which I am afflicted. Rather some sort of see-saw, push me, pull you condition. Each side jockeying for position. The Left side – we’ll call him Spock – tries so hard to impose structure; write 2 hours every day between 9-11, get up at 5, do yoga at 5:30, etc. The Right side – A cross between Dory from Finding Nemo and Andy Warhol (my apologies to both) says, but what if I’m not inspired? What if there are dragonflies to photograph? Tuesdays and Wednesdays that won’t work for me because I have other commitments for part of that time, so….

Instead of providing support for one another they try to outwit each other. Since the Right side, the creative side, is little stronger I am often known to wander mentally. A lot.

Since I’ve started this post 20 minutes ago, I’ve jumped out to:

1. Get more iced tea

2. Read a few emails

3. Locate photo files on my laptop to respond to an email

4. Check registration online for a program I am promoting

5. Redo the “brain test”

6. Respond to a message on Facebook

7. Create a message on Facebook

8. Open a file in a design program to check a link, and

9. Gazed outside at the curtains billowing in the wind.

Clearly structure is called for. I imagine all the incredible opportunities I could create if only I had the time. And I could have the time if I were better organized, and yes, structured.

There are two doves on the bay tree outside being gently bounced by the wind.

10. Stalked 4 doves for photos.

Anywho…

A friend and I were just discussing how since we’ve left the corporate world of schedules, meetings and structure we are definitely; A. more relaxed and happy, and B. more scattered.

Along with the freedom, there’s a sense of being unmoored, sent adrift to find my way. In so doing I collect many pieces of driftwood to keep me afloat, all with tremendous potential to be something spectacular. When maybe all I really needed was a rope back to shore.

But would I have even grabbed the rope if it was handed to me? Perhaps, but chances are I’d still be scooping up driftwood on my way back.

Without structure or even a loose schedule and some semblance of a to-do list, it is nearly impossible for me to feel that sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. And as much as I wish that wasn’t important to me, I have identified that at some level it is.

As a Monday-Friday corporobot I knew I had evenings and weekends to do whatever I wanted. Whether I made good use of that time or not, didn’t really matter. I showed up for work when they asked me to, performed my assigned tasks to an appropriate level and received a check in return. Simple. Structure.

Now I meander through some days feeling self-satisfied at my awesomeness only to scramble for the next three of four days to catch up. As a self-employed person, every day is a work day. Sunday is usually my most productive.

But here’s the difference: None of it is work. I don’t think I could actually work for money any more. Don’t get me wrong, I will gladly take payment for what I am doing – and, in fact, do – but it is all aligned with my passions. And this allows ideas to run rampant pulling me in many directions. Each idea a potential gem.

The Right Brain imagines all the possibilities with this gem of an idea – taking it all the way to Shark Tank or Ted Talks. Meanwhile the Left Brain, shaking its head, tries to lay out the steps that need to be taken before this Big Idea can even be put on paper. We’re at a standstill. Right Brain gets bored. Left Brain gives up. Next idea. It’s very busy in there.

I know there is a solution to appease both sides of my brain and I feel like I’m getting close to solving it. Maybe it doesn’t have to be solved so much as managed. And so I shall appoint the Left Brain to create a schedule that the Right Brain can work within but still feel magically inventive. Perhaps the Right Brain can even help.

I think I just saw the Left Brain roll its eyes. This may take some more work.

[Photo: You already know.]

If you wanna play along…. http://sommer-sommer.com/braintest/

 

 

 

21 Day Challenge – Day 17 – Overwhelm

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Hole in the sky IMG_2029Sometimes when I overwhelm myself – and let’s be honest only I can overwhelm me and I am really good at it – I just look at the sky. Ironically it grounds me. Maybe it’s the literal act of looking up. I could gaze at it for hours, getting lost in the speed of clouds and changing light.

For a whole year I posted a photo of the sky everyday on Facebook. I gave it different personalities that made glib and snarky comments. When I stopped, way more people noticed than I would have expected. People love the sky.

Every possibility, every wish, every desire is held by the sky.

On a dreary day recently I was riding with a friend who was mired in a case of the blues. The sky outside  mirrored her mood; full of rolling white gray clouds with dark edges racing past one another. Then, for less than a minute there was a gap in the clouds that allowed the smallest, brightest blue patch to emerge. There was so much information revealed in that spot of sky.

This little patch of blue had a big story to tell.

I had been studying yoga – the philosophy every bit as much, or maybe more than, the postures – for several years. In yoga “pure consciousness” is a hot topic. It’s everything. The true self. One of my teachers describes it as capacity, like the sky. The sky allows clouds and airplanes and birds to pass through it without changing it. We, on our soul level, are like the sky.

This is a big concept to fathom. It is difficult to imagine the size of something without edges, without boundaries. The mind wants to put a limit on things. But like the sky, consciousness is limitless.

The clouds do not change the sky behind it. The smoke, smog and rain only temporarily cover the sky, but it is always there and always blue.

The true self, pure consciousness is always there, unchanged, unspoiled, perfect. It merely becomes hidden beneath fear, worry, anxiety, feelings and emotions, by the need to be right or seen, by the ego.

The tiny patch of blue sky tells my friend that the clouds of sadness are temporary. What it tells me is that there’s no need to become overwhelmed.  The true self is always there, resting in awareness. Without edges.

[Photo: Taken this morning. At least six months after that gray day.]

21 Day Challenge – Day 16 – Catch of the Day

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trees 2 IMG_1991This 21 Day Challenge is revealing to me my non-negotiables. Those things that I will not only fit in, but make a priority.

At the beginning of these 21 days I was consumed with my task list, at the expense of almost everything else. It was a good lesson. All the other priorities that previously took precedence over me – work, cleaning, grocery shopping – still got done. I managed to fit them in around the new non-negotiables.

It had to happen that way. I could not have reorganized my priorities with pen and paper, I had to live them. I had to take this concept from my head into my body. There was no other way.

While at the gym today I recognized that this challenge, the yoga and the gym especially, is for my mind and my spirit way more than it is for my body. My body is both the problem and the solution.

I have come to see the body as something like a net. Little things that may be annoying or wonderful pass through the net every day. We may notice them, but we can easily let them go and allow them to flow right through us. The bigger things get caught. The argument with a loved one, an illness in the family, a lost job or a job with which we are completely misaligned. The heavy things stick. We have to acknowledge them and break them down into little pieces that can pass through.

But that doesn’t always happen.

These bigger things are stressors, they pull on the ropes, dragging us down. They web up the net making it more and more difficult for even the little things to pass through, so now a hangnail or burnt toast is a stressor.

Some ice cream or wine will put a nice coat on it, softening it so momentarily it takes on a different shape, tricking us into believing we have freed the stress from the net. But we haven’t.

It is clogged, we are heavy – sometimes literally, sometimes energetically – but it feels the same. We drag, we sit too long, wonder too much at how to fix it or change it. We ignore it, maybe it’s not that bad.

If we’re really lucky, or maybe secretly smart, we take a yoga class. Or we go for a walk. Or we have to run to catch up to someone. And something shifts. We feel it now, the weight of the stress, every single molecule glomming up the net, hanging like seaweed and noodles, stuck like wet bread coated with grease.

We know now we did this. Simultaneously we know we can undo it. There’s another class, another walk and pieces of stress begin to dry up and drop off. We leave a trail of energetic waste behind us on each step we consciously take.

For a moment we consider what exactly all this is. What events or people caused this? Then we know it does not matter. Because we are the common denominator. We caused this. We allowed this. This was all accumulated with our permission.

So now we have choices. We can be the net clear of debris for all situations to pass through without reaction, without holding on, or we can continue to collect stories to prove our point and hold us back.

Because it is the mind that got us into this trouble, it is best to leave the mind out of the solution. Get into the body. Move. As we move deliberately with intention there is a lightness of spirit that returns. The net begins to clear.

More tension falls away. Maybe we cry in our yoga class. We don’t know why, nothing is sad. Stored emotions are the detritus that clings to our energy field bogging it down and as we begin to move, we release. It may happen during a run or during a commercial for coffee. It’s all okay. It’s all necessary. We cannot think our way out of this.

Take it to the body. The body is the tool to relax the mind and energize the spirit. What an amazing combination. Relaxed energy.

It is from here we can begin to see clearly.

[Photo: Can’t see the forest for the trees.]

21 Day Challenge – Day 15 – Good and Bad

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berries IMG_1981

Is it possible, do you think, that if we are opening up to the magic and enchantment around us, our awareness of everything is heightened? Isn’t it possible that once the door is open, it is open to everything?

It is true that once the decision has been made to find enchantment, it is always easily found. But just as we’re looking for a lost set of keys and we come upon that IRS bill we forgot to mail, other things come into view.

So the question then is not necessarily about enchantment versus all that isn’t. It’s about perception.

Can you see it all? Can you experience the tiny butterfly landing lightly on a delicate branch with the same awareness as watching the vulture cleaning up a dead squirrel?

Buddhists believe there must be good and bad. You cannot know good without having first experienced bad. There must be a frame of reference. They are equally part of life and they are relational, which is to say, it depends on the perception of the individual.

It is about taking the good with the bad and being okay with either.

As a young child mud is every bit as magical as a kitten.  Enchantment is about returning to that child-like nature; experiencing everything with curiosity. In the natural world a butterfly is no better than a vulture, the acts they commit are received the same.

As humans we have the ability to discern with emotion, allowing us to ascribe human-like qualities to animals and inanimate objects and assign what is good or bad. This can lead us to perceive situations as good as someone else has the opposite experience.

So if we are opening up to all that is around us through the lens of magic we cannot discard something because it displeases us. We must look further, deeper into the maw of perceived darkness. There is always a light, there is always an upside. Sometimes it’s just being aware that our own awareness is expanding.

It is a process, this awakening to all that is. The rawness of newness. The work is in not abandoning the process. Don’t close your eyes to avoid seeing, simply turn your head and look somewhere else. Eventually you will turn your head all the way around, once more taking in the vulture and the squirrel. It is at that point you can appreciate it all. You can thank the giant majestic bird for doing what we as  civilized humas, disconnected from nature, cannot fathom doing. Accept it all, take your time with it. Wonder about it. It’s all magic.

[Photo: What’s your perception?]

21 Day Challenge – Day 14 – Focus

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Shiny IMG_1958

I can’t do it all. There I’ve said it. My to-do list on a daily basis would make a Marine quake in her boots. Probably not, but she would surely see that even getting up at 4:00 AM would not help me accomplish the ridiculous tasks I have set for myself.

In truth my list is ongoing, it’s sort of a weekly list, spill into next week, sometimes never get done list. Focus. That magic word has eluded me so much of my Gemini existence. I want to do, see, be so much and believe I can, really believe it. If I focus too intently on one thing, I might miss other awesome things.

My ability to jump from this to that and back again has been a source of frustration to me most of my adult life. Shiny Thing Syndrome. Right now I am actually supposed to be looking for clip art, but I saw the blank page and jumped on it. Hopeless. Others find this to be a somewhat attractive quality.  While I may find the single-pointed focus person admirable and believe I could be that way if I wanted, they may find my ability to let go of the balloon in order to pet the puppy impossible.

My laptop and I have a lot in common. At any given moment there are 5 or 6 programs open, with at least as many tabs and/or pages open within them. No less than 90 files cover the beautiful photos rotating as my screensaver. The more that is open the slower it runs. Hmmm.

I throw a bunch of balls up in the air with the best of intentions only to either become overwhelmed and duck and cover or lose interest all together and wander off. The balls drop, some roll away, the ones that are left will get tossed up again.

It is with age and perspective – possibly an iota of wisdom  – that I have learned to appreciate my way of being. It has its challenges, but I am aware of them now. I have smoothed some of the edges and refined some of the processes. When I get caught up in the list and the lack of check marks I can just shrug a little, promising to do better next time.

Whatever better is.

I know I’m in danger when the list has become the priority rather than its contents. When I let go of a physical list there is always a mental one.

Focus. Let go. Focus. It’s a distillation process.

When I was in India I remember watching an elderly man in the country side from my bus window. He was some sort of shepherd. He had a handful of goats and he seemed to be walking them from here to there. I remember thinking, but what does he do? What I was really thinking was how does he measure his success? Then it hit me. He doesn’t. It doesn’t matter. He is being, not doing. It was such a revelation for me, that someone could be content just by being content.

He has no list, no schedule, no time card. For all I know he doesn’t even have a birthday or a permanent address. What he does have is peace.

I have no goats, but I can have peace, I just have to see through the mirage shiny things. The yoga helps, the writing gets it out and photography brings me present. These are the doing practices that help me be with the rest of it.

Focus. Let go. Focus. Be. Repeat.

[Photo: Catching the morning light making shiny things out of nature. Just add water.]

21 Day Challenge – Day 13 – Gut check

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After the rain IMG_1948

I have this internal gauge that lets me know when it’s time. It tells me when I’m done with something, usually kind of big and potentially life changing things: a job, a relationship, a town. Lately I can feel the valves beginning to close on an aspect of my life. Marriage is solid, community is strong, this has to do more with work.

I begin to feel it as an exasperation, there’s a lot of sighing involved. ‘I don’t wanna’ whiny vibes emanate from my gut. Then my head starts to tell me a bunch of stories about how good this job/person/place (we’ll call it ‘noun’) is. Trying to trip me up. Sometimes it works, it usually delays the ultimate act, but rarely changes the decision.

In response the gut speaks louder, it gets angry and starts to find fault in everything having to do with noun, down to a single unrelated incident that somehow is now noun’s fault. The mind reminds me of the good things noun has done for me and strongly recommends I maintain status quo. That’s its job.

The gut is pissed off. It’s time. The mind just wonders if this is really the best time to make such a big change.

The gut is done. The mind makes one last ditch effort; you know making this change now will affect everything you want to do, your whole life could change, is that what you really want?

YES!

And so it is. I have been playing this game for the past few months. I know what I need to do on an energetic level. It’s the financial level that scares me. A good chunk of my income is wrapped up in this decision. At the same time, my enchanted living is suffering.

I can see what is on the other side, I can feel it. I know what I am supposed to be doing, I get reminders and signs every single day. Every day.

I believe everything I have done that is perceived as negative; poor eating habits, lack of exercise, disorganization, financial debt are all ways to slow down my leap into this life that is waiting for me. It’s the mind protecting me from my bigness. It’s very scared of the unknown. Same is safe. New could be a mistake.

As I move through this challenge and begin to chip away at these bad habits and obstacles, the mind is fighting back. Rather than trying to convince me that I shouldn’t do what I feel called to do it’s guiding my hand toward the leftover Halloween candy. It pats my head and tells me to rest today, there’s no need to do yoga every day. It suggests I put the computer away for just one day so I can recharge so my writing will be fresher, bolder.

But I am onto it so I go to my mat, I open my computer and I continue. The key for me is to call up the vision, plant both feet firmly in it and dare the mind to knock me over. And if it does, the proof will be in getting back up. So far so good.

 [Photo: Bay tree after some much needed rain today.]

21 Day Challenge – Day 12 – Gratitude

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birdy IMG_1892As I selected my cart at Whole Foods today I did not expect to find a passenger. I was making my way up and down the aisles when I noticed a little movement on the outside of the top basket. A lizard. He was moving a little slower in the cooler temperatures of the store but was able to make his way to the handlebar where he looked at me perplexed and asked to be taken outside. I obliged. As I exited with unpaid merchandise I walked about six feet toward a grassy area. Before I got there he jumped off. Warmed by the 90 degree November sunshine he was once again feeling frisky. I watched to be sure he made it to safety lest some unsuspecting human find him beneath their shoe. He made to the grass, he’ll have to take it from there.

It is in these moments that I find complete gratitude. The dragonfly landing on my dress. A squirrel frozen not 3 feet in front of me because we surprised each other. Deer wandering in my suburban neighborhood. A bird peeking down at me from the porch roof. The wind.

It is the first of November, the official month of gratitude.

I am grateful for all the people in my life. The fun ones, the encouraging ones, the humorous ones, the spiritual ones, the loving ones, the kind ones. And the mean ones, the rude ones, the whiny ones and the sarcastic ones.  The button pushers and naysayers. Oh I think I am most grateful for those last two.

The button pushers allow me to learn more about myself. Because it’s not them, it’s me. It’s my button. If I were to pay very close attention I could probably find the thread that connected the various pushers to the specific button. Once I identify the button I can work to eliminate it.  Another person cannot make me feel or act a certain way without my permission. If a person drives me crazy, I am the one behind the wheel. They are my teacher. And I have much to learn. And for that I am grateful.

The naysayers show me the holes in my theories, they show me their vulnerabilities which are merely mirrors of my own. If they believe I can’t do something it is most likely because they don’t believe they could. They need me to succeed so they can see the possibilities for themselves. I owe them my successes. And my gratitude.

Each person we encounter that we have any kind of reaction to, good or bad, is a mirror. The perceived negative reaction lets us know exactly what we need to work on. The perceived positive reaction shows us our magnificence in another. We cannot see in others that which we do not possess. If I walk by 100 people and don’t react to them, they have nothing to share with  me. But that one person that cuts me off in traffic when I am in a hurry has the lesson.

Once I was aware of this, life became considerably more interesting. It became impossible for me to blame others for anything, instead I had to own my reactions and what I believed to be my shortcomings . A confrontation or a reaction was now the gift. Or rather the gift was somewhere in it. If I missed it, it would be back.

Gratitude is a portal. Once stepped through the magic in the mundane is revealed. Colors become more vibrant.  The sound of people laughing overcomes the noise of those complaining. The one beautiful flower among the weeds comes into focus.

So on this first official day of Gratitude Season I say Thank You. To everyone. For everything.

[Photo: My bird friend that was perched on the roof line of my patio.]

21 Day Challenge – Day 11 – Midway Tricks and Treats

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Halloween IMG_1876As I reach the halfway point of my challenge I am assessing my progress and looking forward to what I may want to add in.

Thus far my performance has been stellar. I have met all of my daily challenges except for one. Doing yoga ndira twice a day, every day, was perhaps a bit ambitious. I have forgiven myself. What I have learned is there is a best time of the day for me to do yoga nidra and so I am committing to that time each day. The yoga, gym, writing and photography have been a cinch and alcohol hasn’t even registered as a miss.

Once I complete this first 21 days I’m considering adding some new tools to my enchanted life toolbox. The yoga, yoga nidra and gym are keepers. Writing and photography are a passion and part of a much bigger plan so I don’t think I’ll give that up. The wine? We’ll see where that goes. I still have 10 days on my current plan so I won’t be adding anything quite yet, but I am considering what could enhance my magic making even more.

I have decided to look at food. I know, looking at my relationship to food on Halloween is like being at a romance film festival on Valentine’s Day alone. But all this sugar has me thinking – and hyper.

I have a love hate relationship with sugar. I love it. It hates me. Oh, it says it loves me, sweet talking me into believing it will treat me right but I can see right through its foil wrapper. Those are empty calories mister.

But every now and then it’s hard to resist. Sugar doesn’t act alone, he’s just the front man for a much bigger gang of carbohydrates.

I’ve been on this ride before. I got so serious about food that I became a Holistic Health Coach. I know a lot about food, dietary theories, exercise, physiology and the disease process. I studied the Blood Type Diet, Ayurveda, Veganism, Vegetarianism and Raw food. I know food.

I became obsessed and rigid with food, denying myself so much that I naturally swung the opposite direction in reaction – why can’t I have what I want when I want it? The answer to that question, unfortunately, is all over my hips.

So now I seek the middle ground. What will support my ultimate intention and goals?

As food has not been a direct part of this challenge I have not created any restrictions but I have paid attention. I’ve made good choices. But I can do more. And sometimes less.

If I am eating loads of veggies and fruits, very little grain, very little animal product, no dairy and next to no sugar aside from what lives naturally in fruit, I feel fantastic. If on the other hand I shovel candy, coffee with heavy cream, lunch meat and starchy foods in my face on a regular basis – not so fantastic. I believe this is probably true for most people. Why do we go back to the foods that do not serve our magical selves?

It doesn’t happen all at once, things just creep back in. The mind begins to convince us that we deserve a treat. That’s a trick. (See what I did there?) We don’t deserve sugar, potato chips, soda and deep dish pizza, we deserve to feel amazing.

Eating too much of anything, but especially too much sugar, is like putting a wet blanket over the inner fire. It dulls the brightness, causing that perky flame inside to sit on the couch and put its feet up for a while with one hand tucked in its waistband and the remote control in the other.

Food is a huge part of the healthy, enchanted lifestyle I seek. I’ll begin the investigation and self-inquiry into the foods that are the most supportive for my energy level and shininess. Again, not to be a size zero. Who really wants to be a zero anyway? But to stay clear, focused and feel alive and vibrant. To keep the creative juices flowing and the energy level high.

The bottom line, I want to treat my body like the gift it is, like a temple. Not a haunted house.

[Photo: Playing around with some indoor photography. A touch of Halloween.]

21 Day Challenge – Day 10 – Ebb and Flow

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crow IMG_1821Today I woke up a little cranky. I’m not sure why this happens but on occasion it does. I recognize it and do what I can to love my crankiness back to cheerfulness.

I have learned over the years to sit with the feelings I am having as I am having them. Feel them for awhile, then if they are telling me nothing useful I dismiss them by looking for something that can bring me back to the present moment and to an appreciation and gratitude for Right Now. A bird, my dog, the wind. It’s often nature.

I have noticed that Wednesdays pose a particular challenge for me. There is a definite ebb and flow to my week. This is acutely obvious when I am home – not traveling – and when I am working on a big project. Wednesday is that silence between the waves when everything is suspended for just a breath before a set crashes to shore. It’s the prolonged ebb. Slow, lazy,outgoing ocean.

Wednesdays for me are the soaking point. Water has been poured on my energy since Sunday. It starts as an energizing spritz on the face. Monday I am cleansed with a refreshing shower, energized and ready to go, by Tuesday I am beginning to prune a little and by Wednesday I am covered in  towels soaked with rainwater in a downpour. Luckily the sun begins to dry things up a bit on Thursday, by Friday I am shiny clean and Saturday is nothing but blue skies.

The gift of a life examined while living it is catching the gentle dips and rises in energy. Recognizing not every moment of every day is going to be AWESOME! Realizing that there is always work to do if we are to live fully. Work is service – even if you get paid for it; especially if you don’t.  And sometimes service feels heavy.

What am I to do with this information, this recognition now? I could do nothing. I could force a smile on my face and keep going. Or, likely I will honor this rhythm I have identified as my own and plan accordingly. I will not hibernate on the wet days, I’ll simply allow for them.

It is in the ebb the ocean builds its power. Necessary and natural.

[Photo: Do crows know when it’s Halloween or do we just notice them more then?]