21 Day Challenge – Day 20 – Back Off, He’s Mine

Rowers at Sunset

I think I may be suffering from attachment.

While at the gym this glorious morning I commenced my typical routine: 5 minute warm up on the treadmill, weights, rowing, sometimes a little more cardio after the rowing, but always those first three.

Today started out like any other day. Treadmillls were pretty full, but there were a few slots open. Someone was on one of the weight machines on my list so I moved on to another one. Then back to the first and finished my weights. Coffee and water sent me to the restroom.  Then I was all set to row.

But, what’s this? There are two women on the rowing machines. I know I haven’t talked about him much because it was his brother I grew fond of first, but Rowan has an identical twin, Rowland. But I can tell the difference.

Both Rowan and Rowland were being courted before my very eyes. The women who occupied each seat were chatting with a woman standing between them. It was not anything important, I could tell. She should leave at once and allow her friends to work out and move on.

I walked slowly past the occupants, staring them down with what I hoped was a non-threatening but confident look that said, “If you’re not going to take this seriously, I’d like you to get up, so I can. And have a nice day.” I didn’t exist to them.

The interrupter left and they both began to row. Next to my two favorite men is a line of about 259 treadmills. The first two closest to them were taken so I chose the third. I was watching, ready to strike. Normally when I do those first 5 minutes I walk at a decent clip, 3.6-4, now I was sauntering, maybe stalking at 2.5. Measured, alert.

Five minutes in they stop.  I stop and hop off. They’re chatting to each other, one has her phone out. I approach. The one on Rowan starts again, while Rowland’s suitor continues to browse YouTube. Short of sitting next to them on the carpet and staring them down, I’m at a loss.

Behind them are the Precor elliptical machines. I take the closest one. Again I walk slowly. But, oh, this machine is interesting, a slight variation of the other ellipticals. It moves my feet a little differently more like stair climbing meets elliptical. I kind of like it. Temporarily distracted like a baby with keys I realize I’m not here to enjoy this. I must stay focused.

She’s not moving, her feet are dismounted, she’s just surfing the web. I make my move.

“Are you done?” I say in the sweetest way.

“Oh, yes, I’m so sorry.” That’s right. She moves away and meets up with another friend while Rowan is still occupied by the more serious of the two.

But I am home now.  Sculling down the river feeling the wind on my face, my eyes tearing in the cool morning air, watching the soft pink morning grow brighter with each moment. All is well in my world.

And I might have a little attachment issue.

21 Day Challenge – Day 1 – Just Weight

Dumbbells with towel isolated on white

A little over 8 years ago I embarked on this holistic health odyssey. I wanted to make food my friend, understand it and use it properly. I became a Certified Holistic Health Coach. I gave advice to others as I continued to play with strategies for myself. Everything I did worked. My energy was high, my weight was low (enough) and I felt great!

Then somehow all those things I’d let go of crept back in; foods, habits, stop me if you’ve heard this one.

As I continued to see clients as a health coach and then as a yoga instructor I felt like a complete charlatan. I was a fraud. Am. Oh, I still give great advice. It’s intuitive, tailored to the person in front of me seeking my knowlege and always done with love. I can see exactly what they need to do or not do, add or subtract.

Why can’t I do that for myself? Why do I not take my own gilded advice? Why is it so easy to keep promises we don’t even want to make to other people, but even easier to break the promises we felt so strongly about when we made them, to ourselves?

This past week I attended a five-day yoga retreat. We ate vegetarian food, mostly organic, did yoga daily and yoga nidra twice a day. I was feeling lighter physically and energetically and then…

On the way home a friend and I stopped at Five Guys. I ingested a WHOLE double hamburger. With. The. Bun. A shared “little” fries and a healthy helping of sweetea. Then later I waddled across the street to a friend’s barbeque where I drank more than my share of wine, ate potato chips with dip, then a baked potato – you know with toppings, of course – and more wine.

Disclaimer: I am a full quarter Irish and that 25% would like potatoes 100% of the time please.

I have no such ancestry to explain the wine.

Anyway.

I had an appointment with a trainer today to get weighed and measured like a 4H heifer. But it was good – not the numbers, but the experience and now the knowledge.

I worked out. I tried to explain to the 20 something ex-Air Force soldier that I was not in a hurry. I want to be pushed, yes, but not immobilized. I want to have goals but none of them include a bikini. I also retained my right to say no and stop when I felt my body was physically defeated. But I only pulled that card once, I wanted to push a little. I need to push.

After the workout with weights I did 30 minutes on the treadmill.  And I felt great.

Tomorrow is yoga.

For me, it’s about closing the gap on that feeling of incongruence between the wise health coach and yoga teacher inside and the squishy, tired woman on the outside.

It’s time to walk the talk. One step at a time.