Look What I Can Do

me on ringsIt appears the treadmill is a good teacher and the second best place for aha moments – the first being “the chamber of insight” or as you may know it, the shower.

Walking has always been a head-clearer for me. If I’m walking in my neighborhood I don’t wear headphones, I like the sounds of birds, children, cars and the wind. When I’m at the gym, I’m definitely plugged in. And the music is loud. It propels me forward, because lets face it, the History channel, reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Fox News just don’t really inspire me to break a sweat.

As my heart rate is rising and The Black Eyed Peas are encouraging me to pump it pump it, my mind is free to wander. Have you ever thought about how amazing that is? How we are able to do one thing, think another, look at something that has nothing to do with the first two and be aware that we are witnessing all of it? Pretty special, we are.

The most recent treadmill insight came as a nice energetic head slap. Don’t you just love it when you think you are a certain way, you are sure of it, you know yourself, then the tiniest thing flips everything upside down? You begin to question everything you believe to be true about yourself. Or at least I do.

I honestly believed that I no longer cared what others thought of me. Right? We all have that inner diva who still wants attention on some level. I noticed that as I was pumping away on the treadmill I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander to the heavy sweater next to me. At what speed was his treadmill set? Was I faster? Did he notice? Look, I’m faster. And I’ve been on here longer.

Out of left field. I wanted him – a random, middle-aged, slightly chubby man – to be impressed by my speed. Ignoring the fact that there were at least 10 people actually running that were way more impressive. I have no idea what this guy even looks like. I don’t know his story. I didn’t care. Did he notice and was he impressed?

Wow.

Of course I let that realization ping all over my frenetic mind coming up with all sorts of conclusions and ridiculous speculation. Who was I now, if not the strong, confident woman who didn’t care what others thought? But the fact remained that, of course I care what people think of me. It’s the human condition. If we don’t care what they think we look like, we want them to think we are smart or funny or have some other unique skill or trait that makes us completely unique.

The way we dress, talk, spend our money and our time all tell others something about us. This does not necessarily make us narcissistic, but human. How we look, what we say and how we say it is how we find each other. It’s how we relate.

The less we get caught up in the story we’re trying to convey to the world, the more likely we are to find those whose energy is a match for our own. Trying hard to convince others we are a certain way covers our authenticity and creates false impressions. The more we relax with who we are, the more peace we have. The more our true selves and authentic uniqueness can shine.

Dropping the masks and facades takes time. Lots of time and lots of practice.

For me, the realization was helpful. In truth, they all are, some are just harder to swallow. It showed me there is much work to be done. Continuing to let go through practices like yoga nidra, yoga and meditation. Continuing to be aware of these realizations and allowing space for them.

And apparently continuing to use the treadmill. At any speed.

Rising Again

forest IMG_3750

I just completed an intensive training the trainer training (got that?) for Yoga Nidra. It was amazing, intense, awesome, beautiful, grueling, revealing and a tremendous gift. Out of this training an unspoken challenge was issued: “Do yoga nidra everyday; it will change your life, you already know this.” And so I am prepared to accept this challenge because it has in fact changed my life. The effects are undeniable. I’m relaxed and I come from a space of peace rather than reaction perched white knuckled on my edge. I am able to be highly productive without stress. It’s magic. And I’ve let it go.

Let’s recap. Back in October I issued myself a 21 day challenge to live a more enchanted life and I identified 5 activities needed to clear the way for this to happen: yoga, yoga nidra, writing, photographing all once daily and the gym a couple times a week. I nailed the challenge then let it all go the next day. Yep. Moment of truth. I could speculate on all the reasons why, but the fact is I just stopped. As much as I wanted it to be a lifestyle change and not a “goal,” it turned into the latter. I achieved it. Done. Slowly one by one I’ve added them all back in. First the writing, then the yoga, etc. And that feels good.

In addition to Yoga Nidra, I have been asked to assist in another yoga teacher training and another 21 consecutive days of yoga has been requested of me.

Then there is a little memoir contest I have decided to enter so it seems writing daily would be a good idea.

On top of all this, I will be heading to India in, ready for this, 21 days and the Swami guiding the tour has asked all of us to commit to a daily yoga and meditation practice so we are prepared for the same once we’re on the other side of the globe.

Here’s the thing; when I did this challenge the first time I basically let go of EVERYTHING else. I went to work, I taught, I did what was asked of me, but 99% of my focus and energy was on the challenge. I was on a little vacation from my life and it was awesome! When I completed the challenge I had to play catch up, putting me in the same situation I was in before: not enough time for all of it. Or, more honestly, maybe a misguided assessment of my priorities.

So this time, and yes I will be doing this again, it feels different. I will add these things in, on top of the work that I currently do, rather than replacing it. I will create priorities out of some aspects of the challenge and allow space for others. I know it’s possible.

Here’s the challenge: yoga nidra  and writing daily. Yoga and Gym as often as I can. Which is to say I will do some sort of physical exercise daily, I’m just not going to be militant as to what. As I write this I don’t feel the same sense of urgency or excitement I did before, and I think maybe that’s good. Instead, there’s a quiet determination and a sense of calm confidence. I’ve got this.

A few days after the last challenge when it was clear to me that I had slipped into the to-do list abyss, I was feeling a sense of failure and berating myself for undoing it all. But I didn’t undo anything. I simply stopped doing all of it at once and brought each component back in as I felt the need. All the work I had done was valid. It helped. It was time well spent.

My life is still enchanted, magic happens everyday. I didn’t need to do all those things daily to create an environment for enchantment to arise. I did need to do the challenge to reveal to me that I already had an enchanted life. I only had to recognize it.

I also believe anytime I am moving a little farther down the continuum of  self care and self love; honoring the vehicle I have been gifted, it is always a win.

So I will rise to the challenge again with curiosity and an appreciation of the experiences. I’ll post daily as before for those who want to follow along or create their own challenges. Please share your challenges and ideas with me, and we can grow together.

[Photo: Salt Springs, Florida. Deep in the Ocala National Park where pine trees sing like running water.]

21 Day Challenge – Day 3 – Morning Thoughts

fog park IMG_1219

Because intention is the key to living an Enchanted Life, I want to explore this idea a little further. Based on some of the comments I received on my last blog, I’m afraid I may have thrown a few people off track, or at the very least, been unclear.

My intention is not to lose weight. It would be a welcome side effect of this work – but that’s it. Dieting is a distraction, it is a way to divert attention from the real work. I’m gonna roll the dice here and bet that it is no one’s true purpose to diet. I used weight as an example because it is relatable, nearly everyone has had a goal to lose weight. But that is not what this intention is about.

My intention is to Live a Creative Life. It is actually a little stronger and deeper than that, but I’ll expand on that later. So let’s just go with Living a Creative Life.

All the things I am asking myself to do on a daily basis are the tools and tasks to keep me on track to live that intention. In the present.

1. Gym. I use the treadmill and engage in physical activity because I am a pitta (Ayurvedic body constitution – more on that another time) and my body loves activity. I am energized by moving aerobically.

2. Yoga. I cannot deny the benefits of a daily yoga practice. It allows my body to feel lighter and longer. I can move and release any frozen prana (energy – more on that later too) that may be showing up as energetic blockages.

3. Yoga Nidra. Meditation on steroids, Yoga Nidra calms and clears the mind. It allows the space between the perceived negative thought or incident and my equal and opposite negative reaction to grow. Eventually the incident or thought holds no charge so I am nonreactive. This takes me out of reaction and duality and into a state of nonreactive peace. This, too is an energy conserver.

Using these three tools creates the conditions that allow me to be a lightning rod for inspiration. I am an open channel for Presence to flow through me AND I have the physical energy and stamina to act on that inspiration.

4. No alcohol. Clarity. I love a nice glass of pinot noir, but I’m on a quest to become clear and I have noticed that wine is the gateway to sloth for me. It encourages me to eat junk late at night, stay up too late and sleep in. It’ll be back, but for now it’s one more distraction I can let go of.

5 and 6. Writing and photography. These are my passions and how I express myself creatively most often. There is skill involved, so the more I practice, the better I get. In addition to improving, I begin to develop and refine my own style.

This is my intention, This is my method to stay present and live that intention. Your intention will likely be different so your toolbox will be a different color and size than mine. It’s yours to fill. We can work on it together.

My intention is my yard stick. I measure big decisions and daily choices against it. Clearing physical and mental space to allow energy to flow through me supports this intention. Sleeping in, reading romance novels all day and watching TV all night takes me away from this intention.

The work is to remove the distractions by creating an environment in which they just don’t fit. The gift is clarity and synchronicity. The gift is living my intention.